The Simpsons and College Football

This is one of the greatest things I've ever seen, comparing two things I love the most; college football and the Simpsons. Check it out!

Too Much Coffee Man

hot chicks with guns.

So while some american girls joining sororities had to deal with rush and what to wear for date parties, everyone in Israel serves two years in the military. I dont think I would be pleased if I met one of these girls and they were typical of the women I know. Worse if they were Jewish (sarcasm).



This girl is amazing. She rocks super big glasses and an m-16. This is wayyyy better than gauchos.



The more I think about it these girls are most likely like the girls I know.. except with guns. Look at that one , just hanging around.. talking about how the new date party shirts are lame..



Not that its a "Chicks with guns are hot" attraction, it's more being facinated with how they deal with being in a very tense situation and not losing the ability to have some semblence of an ordinary life, thing. The fact that they are really hot factors in too, maybe.

Amused poll: 2 lbs of gravy mix or 6 lb can of veg-all?

so cvr's brother is graduating from high school this weekend, and we're having trouble deciding on a gift. please help us. which is funnier:

1) a 6 lb can of mixed vegetables (veg-all). i think its sorta funny because its this huge can, so people will be wondering what the hell it is, and you can make some kind of joke about eating healthy in college....yeah kinda weak, but remember the audience is various elderly oberst relatives.

2) a 2 lb bag (yes, bag) of gravy mix. its in the all white package that just says "gravy mix" in red, which is pretty funny. also, the card options are pretty good. con-gravy-ulations. happy gravy-duation. pure gold.

so tell us which you like better and why, we're leaning toward the gravy. oh, and don't worry, we also got him a dry erase board (a must) so all is not lost.

Ol' Freddy.

Oh, how I miss Mr. Rogers. Its amusing to see him almost singlehandedly saving pbs, but according to fred phelps, he is in hell. What can ya do?

He really comes of super queer. I know, I know, ITS MISTER ROGERS. I'm not saying he was, but that same 1964 guy in 2006 would most likely be considered light in the loafers.

Afterthoughts on fasting

Well, I should have read about how others have done it in the past, the steve seikel method just makes you horribly sick. I allowed myself water, coffee, tea, liquor, and perrier. bad fucking idea. After drinking a bottle of bourbon on an empty stomach for several nights, i threw up blood. hooray! I then started taking pain killers to make myself not feel like death, bad idea also. Now I have some kind of sickness and my throat is pretty sore. I dont feel well. just dont be me, and you'll be alright.

school is fun

a mysterious box of muffins was lying on a table in the lounge. for public school teachers, finding strange, free, junk food, is not something that is passed upon. naturally, they began consuming the muffins. the magic muffins.

Jesus is my baby daddy

Where Do "Baby-Daddies" Come From?
The origins of the phrase.
By Julia Turner
Posted Sunday, May 7, 2006, at 4:47 PM ET

Celebrity gossips are not known for their contributions to English letters. In tabloids, the copy is breathless, the headlines are stunningly literal, and the "hand-written" photo captions seem to toggle between "Awww!" and "Ew!" But as they zero in on celebrity mating and breeding rituals, the magpies keep breaking new linguistic ground. First they imported the British term bump, a noun used to refer to the protruding abdomen of a pregnant starlet. Then they awarded celebrity couples mash-up nicknames like "Bennifer," "Brangelina," and "TomKat." Now they've seized upon baby-daddy and baby-mama, two useful terms that have long appeared in hip-hop and R&B lyrics, and are slowly stripping them of their emotional fangs.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines baby-daddy as "the father of a woman's child, who is not her husband or (in most cases) her current or exclusive partner." The baby-mama entry follows the same template with the genders reversed. But some gossip writers have been adopting the first part of the definition and ignoring the second. Salon recently called Tom Cruise "Katie Holmes' baby-daddy," even though the couple is engaged. And Gawker refers to Keven Federline as "Britney Spears' baby-daddy," even though the couple has been married for more than a year.

Such usages would be unlikely in Jamaica, where baby-daddy has its roots. The OED lists baby-daddy and baby-mama as "colloquial, chiefly African-American" variants of the Jamaican terms baby-father and baby-mother; its first citation for baby-mother hails from the Kingston Daily Gleaner in 1966. The terms probably arose in Jamaican Creole—where they would have been pronounced "biebifaada" and "biebimada"—before taking hold in standard Jamaican English.

On the island, your baby-mother or baby-father is typically someone with whom you are no longer romantically involved. If you called your husband your "baby-father," he might be insulted—the term suggests biological fatherhood in the absence of any real parenting. The linguistics professor Peter L. Patrick, who studies Jamaican Creole, said the terms "definitely imply there is not a marriage—not even a common-law marriage—but rather that the child is an 'outside' child."

The terms soon landed in the lyrics of reggae and dancehall songs, which may be how they made their way to the United States. In 1981, a Jamaican musician named Linval Thompson wrote and recorded a song called "Baby Mother" that entreats men not to be rough with pregnant women—"Mind how you're pushing/ when you push on your baby mother"—because an unborn child might be a "king or queen … maybe a movie star." Thompson followed up with "Baby Father," a major hit that advised men to take responsibility for their kids. The opening line: "Baby father, don't run. Don't hide."

By the mid to late '90s, the terms baby-daddy and baby-mama were appearing regularly in American hip-hop and R&B songs, and the words were consistently used to refer to an ex. In a 1997 song by Nut N' 2 Nice, a girl placates her jealous boyfriend: "That ain't nobody/ that's just my baby-daddy." In a song by Bass Patrol, a beleaguered boyfriend chants, "I don't know/ and I can't see/ why your baby daddy got beef with me." But it was the rapper Queen Pen who most succinctly captured the difficulties inherent in the relationship, in a song called "Baby Daddy": "I shouldn't a f-cked him."

Baby-mama hit the big time in 2000, in the OutKast chart-topper "Ms. Jackson." The song—which, as Andre 3000 put it, went out to all the "baby mamas' mamas"—details the singer's efforts to convince his ex-girlfriend's mom that he's serious about being a good dad, and it soon had Americans black and white singing along with the catchy chorus: "I'm sorry Ms. Jackson/ but I am for real!" OutKast even secured the term's place in the New York Times: It appeared outside of quotation marks for the first time in a 2003 profile of the band that calls "Ms. Jackson" a "conflicted ode to baby-mamas." (The line is cited in the current edition of the OED.)
These days, the terms no longer seem "chiefly African-American"—they're everywhere, the latest bits of hip-hop lingo to gain widespread use. Baby-daddy is the new bling. Online, you can buy "Jesus is my baby-daddy" magnets, tote bags, and beer steins. There is a drink called the "babymama." Scott Hoffman, the bassist for the glam rock band the Scissors Sisters, goes by the stage name "Babydaddy." Some of this cultural paraphernalia retains the old, loaded sense of the term: You can, for example, download a "Salty Baby Mama" ringtone so that when people call, your phone will jangle and thrum while a woman's voice says, "Baby, I know you hear this damn phone ringing. I'm going to beat your ass, as soon as I see you." But just as often, the connotations are strictly biological. Baby-mama has even made inroads in Japan, where it's being used on a Web site that appears to sell strollers.

Who knows why these terms became catchphrases? Perhaps it's just that they're metrically pleasing: Baby-mama and baby-daddy are undeniably fun to say. But it's the novelty factor that explains how the words lost their negative connotations. Sure, there are many gossip writers who still use the terms in their original senses (calling dancer Carlos Leon "Madonna's baby-daddy," for example) because they're useful, reducing a complex chain of possessives—Madonna's daughter's father—to a nice, comprehensible noun. But it seems there are also plenty of writers who just like the way the words sound and don't care much about the stigma once attached to babydaddyhood. When news came last week that Anna Nicole Smith may be pregnant, it was no surprise that bloggers immediately began speculating about the identity of the "baby daddy." It may be a long time before you hear a quaint, old-fashioned "Who's the dad?"

I love to suffer.

Soooooooo I'm going to fast for 7 days. Fuck 10 like that lady did, and she actually just went on a fast, I think anorexia is more of a lifestyle. I've done 5 before, and it feels pretty good, you just have to get past day two, and you can float around for a while. I actually bought shit tons of food the other day too, so I suppose I'll cook for my roommate, for some reason if I cook for a long time I become not hungry. odd. Who's with me?

Shame on you guys

What I once thought was a well of creativity is now apparent to me as a desert of naught. No one can think up a religion? Not one of you? Shame. Shame on all of you.

p.s. the final is 8am on friday, so dont bother with your lame submissions after that.

What's your damage son?

Ah! I'm going white, i have like 5 white hairs in my eyebrows. .. um.. white's better than grey right? or bald. uhg.

Saturday night my friend had a kegger, it was real fun actually. This group of about 10 showed up and brought with them all sorts of bad vibes. Smoking in the house after being asked not to do so, complaining about the music, and just demonstrating all sorts of assholery. I tried to be nice (against my nature) and ignore them. One girl decided to dive head first into the potato salad (not literally) and proceeded to voice her appreciation for Anthony Kiedis and how she wants to "hump him". Anyway, one of the friends of the graduate who had torn the ligaments in his ankle the night before while tripping over a car battery, was seated next to me at the table along with some other friends. As the group of razorhaircuts was leaving, this girl approached torn ligament dude and propositioned him on behalf of one of the other girls. She literally said, "You should come with us. *Girl Name* wants to fuck you." His reaction was hilarious. It was obvious he wasn't interested. No one was interested.

My parents moved,recently, so the hot tub in their old house was open, so i invited everyone over. the girls were in one car, the guys in mine, they had to make a stop at one of the girls house on the way and we were going to my house to get vodka and shit. I left my house, drove about 100 yards, not on the road, like in a parking lot, saw a cop and fled back to my house, 100 yards in the opposite direction. Three cops showed up and they took our licenses, and went back to the cop car. My car has those seats that fold down for access to the trunk, and while the cops were away I told a dude in the backseat, who was SLAUGHTERD to lay the seat down so we could throw the huge bottle of skyy back there, took him like 3 minutes to figure it out. My friend still had joints in his pockets, and the cop returned. He was really nice, actually, and said he'd let everyone go, because we were in my yard, except me because I had a SUSPENDED LICENSE. I didnt even know it was suspended or what for. They let my friends go sit in my house, didnt inpound my car or arrest anyone else. I went to the station, they uncuffed me, paid 300 bucks and left. The girls had another adventure at the same time.

On the other side of town (almost), the girls decided to head to a house before the hot tub romp. As they pull into their driveway, my old roommate comments that she thinks she hears someone calling for help. They go into their house and the girl says again she hears someone calling for help. One of the girls pinpoints the direction it's coming from. They look toward the east side of the street and notice a white mass on the lawn of a neighbor. Run toward the house and on the lawn was the lady who lives in the house. Keep in mind, they are WASTED. They must have smelled like a pack of hobos. I dont know exactly what words were exchanged but it went something like this:

Them: "Oh my God! What the hell happened to you?"

Lady: (face bruised up and bloody, dirt all over her) "I fell off my porch. I've been laying here for an hour calling for help."

Them: Expletives. "Here let's help you up."

Lady: "My wrist is broken."

They help her up and into her house and she is feeding them some bullshit story about falling off her porch. The theory is someone seriously rocked her shit and left her on the ground. Old roommate was mere inches from the lady's face and could not tell what she looked like because she was so jacked up.

They offered to call the cops, ambulance and help her clean up but she insisted they do nothing. She even said, "No, I'll be fine. You are going to go have a good time. I'll be okay." They wanted to check on her the next day, an offer which she vehemently refused. no one lives there but her. no idea what really happened to her but the look of her and the idea that she lay on her lawn in the rain for over an hour made one girl so nauseous that she violently threw up shortly after returning home.

You guys should start hanging with me.

a pretty kickass article

apparently, talent is mostly a bunch of bullshit. unfortunately, now we have to work hard if we want to be good at something. but still, couldn't work ethic be a talent?

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/07/magazine/07wwln_freak.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5087%0A&en=6a3168396c98d5e8&ex=1147233600

go back to the first page-- links to the second

JESUS!

This web comic amuses me greatly. behold.

parody or reality?

yesterday i saw a commercial for the new gillette fusion-- a five blade razor with two front and back strips. it reminded me of this onion article from a couple of years ago.

how long must we wait for the seven blade razor? how long must we wait!

Do my final

In my 'intro to religion' class the final, as was guessed, is too create our own religion. So Im seeing if anyone has any submissions. And no, 'awehyA' sending his son 'esusjA' to earth to save everyone doesnt count. Although it might count using 'momohammad'.

Hooray for food!

Hooray for chris by making an acceptible avenue for this post. After reading about lardo I was thinking of all the great food he was probobly eating. Mexico, in my opinion, has the fucking best street food in the world, or at least of the the places I frequent. Peru is okay with the civeche, and spain isnt bad, lots of seafood, but nowhere i've been beats mexico, specifically central mexico. For the record holland is the fucking worst.

Okay so when I travel I eat mostly street food, because I love it and thats what everyone else eats. If you're with me and you want to go to fucking mcdonalds I WILL SLIT YOUR IGNORANT THROAT. alright.. lets get going!



Ok, so this is the only picture I could get of what is the best hotdog on earth. Mexicans LOVE hotdogs, a really popular street food is a guy with a pile of french fries (raw) and split open hotdogs. When you order they take a handful of each and throw it in hot boiling oil. Viola, fried hotdogs and taters, gross. At dance clubs and other more wealthy bars, they bring you a bowl of raw cut up hot dogs, and fried corn wafers, this is a staple. A discusting staple. I've had far worse at far better places than this (pickeled/jellied fish with mayo on a stick) and there are more discusting things around, of course, but we're talking about food everyone eats all day. This lady is obviously in america somewhere pointed out by the sorortiy banner behind her. Not sure about the demand for "esquisito" dogs are there, but I suppose she knows what she's doing. In mexico, generally, these carts are everywhere, and more prevelant at night. The carts are more fancy, and larger usually. These things... man.. you get two for 10 peso's and its worth every cent. Bacon wrapped hot dogs with grilled jalapenos and onions. It just doesnt get better than this, hot dog wise. Some people like mayo on them, its okay, but sin mayonesa is my preferance.



Ahh Torta Ahogada. My good mexican buddy, juan, would always call for "fucked up tortas time" after the bar. These only exist in guadalajara because of the bread needed. The bread can only be made at a certain altitude, which is somewhere around 6000 feet, and thats guadalajaras altitude.. so... good. There are two variations, both in a red chile/tomato sauce. One they call sweet, but its not really, just lightly sweet, and the other hot. They take the bolillo (bread) fill it with fried port, usually cold, and dunk the entire thing in your preference of sauce. Its fucking magnificent. This is one of the most traditional foods you can eat south of the boarder, even moreso than the burrito, which I dont ever see.. actually.. lets go on.

I cant find pictures of these chicken stands that are everywhere, but I'll describe them to you. Just go to the most busy, if all the locals eat there, then most likely its the best (unless its in some horrible place where people have no tastebuds, like the scan countries). These places have huge roasters, with whole chickens turning and dripping fat and goodness on potatoes that are roasting below, underneath the chicken. You get 1/4th a chicken, a baggie of salsa, a handful of rad potatoes, and a few taquitos made with the extra chicken they have, and a pile of tortillas for about 3 US dollars. its the fucking shit. Pretty healthy and filling, I eat this every other day, just the best.
Ok, so this is what you drink all day, besides tequila and beer. Aguas Frescas just means fresh cold water in spanish and is the best kool-aid type drink you'll ever swallow. The red (jamaica) and white (horchata) are the most popular. The horchata is made from rice, and has a hint of cinnamon. The Jamaica is made from the roselle plant, tastes like a cherryish fruit punch. It usually comes in a sandwich baggy with a straw, and is super awesome.


There are odd stands that have skinned sweet potatoes that are sitting in the sun, and for some reason always have shitloads of flys all over them. avoid this. actually, I dont think you'll even be tempted by it. so.. nevermind.

There are many pastries, like gorditas, sweet little pancakes, and other things that are rad. Of course there are taco stands everywhere that rule, but we have those in america. Tortas are underrated.. I may do a post on french street food, its a close second, real close. extra almost tied. but the weather and women in mexico make it better. Guadalajara is about 75 all year with about two days of rain anually. I'll post about french street food next time..

colbert stick it to bush right in his face, establishment uncomfortably watches, not so amused

not suprisingly, his performance didn't recieve rave reviews.

no shit. imagine a wedding speech where your drunk friend reminds everyone of the groom's crazy, promiscuous frat days.

well this that drunken, awkward speech.

Steve's Chicano's

Steve has mentioned how some Mexicans arent off so bad as everyone would like to believe. I'm not sure how well this guy could party, but there may be a link to any food shortages that have occured near Monterey in the past few decades. He says he didn't know what happened to get so big, but when you get to the point of weighing the same as "five baby elephants" something was happening. Probably being related to shoving tortillas down your throat.

SONIC YOUTH

Motherfucking sonic youth is coming to the cains ballroom in tulsa. best venue ever. best band ever (almost). I am totally stoked and amused. I'm going to be giggling until june 21st.