easily amused

Friday, March 31, 2006

Service with a smile

I was sitting at my house trying to figure out how to get out of going to a emo concert in 15 minutes at a tiny Thai restaurant (food from Taiwan by the way) and I decided to look up the picture of Durga, the Hindu goddess that is the most hot women ever, and armed with divine weapons to slay demons. If you glance at the picture, I think you may agree thats the happiest I've ever seen someone whos standing on someones neck. And in retrospect, probably the hottest chick I've ever seen standing on someones neck.


http://www.sjc-serbia.com/download/durga.jpg

Thursday, March 30, 2006

i have seen the promised land

so i went to the fancy wal-mart for rich people yesterday, and i'm back to tell the tale. my mom was super psyched about it, and she waited for me so we could explore it together. the wine, as promised, was indeed right next to the cosmetics. but seriously, what plano-lady buys cosmetics at wal-mart? pshhh. the clothes were slightly more fashionable, but they must have forgotten that plano is all about image and no one wants to be seen buying OR wearing clothes from wal-mart. duh. that section was empty. the vast open aisles did make it a more pleasant experience but it sure didn't live up to the hype and i don't think wal-mart will convert any rich assholes to wal-mart fans. at best the store was more target-like, but still not as good as target. oh yeah, and there's a super target across the street.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Epiphany!

I got out of my hated 'Intro to Religion' class early yesterday and began aimlessly walking around. My mind wandered onto the movie 'Slither' thats coming out this very weekend. But suddenly, something clicked in my mind. As you all know, I don't mean to brag, but the past few years I have worked hard to become a leading expert on zombies and "Zombie Theory". I was featured in a Foreign Policy as an advisor in a 'You Might Not Expect These Global Changes' story. The Economist said about me "When there is a zombie outbreak, run screaming to [my] house". Anyway, I just wanted to get my credentials out there since the next part of this post is so shocking. (I know you are already asking why there is not an easilykillingzombies.blogspot.com)

It dawned on me that of all the hours of debating magical and viral/bacterial zombies I have never considered the parasite zombie. As for my theory on how to survive this type of outbreak, I do not think it is substantially changed. Clearly, it creates a far more annoying and serious situation of how to prevent zombification among remaining humans. Fear not, after considering the movie I will update my survivial theory to prevent you from becoming part of the mindless masses (insert television or consumerism joke). Until then, be wary of anyone wanting to kiss you neck.........or brain.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Plano....the reason the USA needs the 5 Virtues

So Wal-Mart is expanding to the high-end of sales. $500 bottles of wine? There is such a thing? Yes, cm, they exist in Plano, TX. It will be interesting if they let minorities in......becuase they should not. It would make me feel uncomfortable.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/UPSCALE_WAL_MART?SITE=7219&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-03-22-02-52-44

p.s. I dont know why the link wont automatically link. I dont know how to make the link into a word. I dont know how to put my picture up. The internet is for nerds, and I am a dork. Totally different.

WOW.

This is why I shouldn't have the news on while I write my special occassion speech on the burrito.
Link


I think this should get you automatically inducted into the International Adventurer Hall of Fame. I can see this as quite the conversation stopper:

Boy: So you wont be around this weekend?

Girl: No, I gotta go home for my dad's funeral. He died.

Boy: Oh man I'm sorry! What happened? Car accident? Was he sick?

Girl:
Link


Boy: Oh. Ummmm, thats both neat and terrible.

I guess in this case the oldest son of the family is now honor-bound to kill the crocodile.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

badass of the month


after this morning, rachael (pictured left) gets my vote. you see, today was the big nordstrom state of the company meeting. they flew in the chief administrative officer to inspire us (and by inspire i mean bore) and answer our pressing questions. most people had questions about our inventory system, new store openings, stuff like that. but oh no, not rachael. in case anyone hasn't picked up on it, our boss is a raving bitch, and does irrational stuff all the time. one example being firing rachael on no grounds whatsoever, then having to rehire her the next day since, you know, she fired her for no reason. and really, this is just one incident from a laundry list of offensive and unprofessional behavior. so when rachael stood up to ask a question, our manager's face flushed red immediately, and she started to repeat, "oh, god" under her breath over and over. rachael proceded to bust the company's balls for claiming to have an "open door" policy when that is not truly the case, then suggested that the employees should have an opportunity to rate their experience as an employee, and basically evaluate their superiors if i understood correctly. that pretty much says "i get treated like shit here and i want someone to know about it" without actually coming out and saying it. and in front of this way important guy from corporate! it was great. i commend rachael for a) bringing up a good point and standing up for the little guy, b) making christina look like a bad manager, c) scaring every manager in the room, including the store manager and the suit they sent from corporate. way to be bold and freak out the squares. brava, rachael, brava!