What am I? A video game maker machine?

Kari's post below got me wondering about which religion has the right stuff for some good video games. I used to play a limited amount of video games (Warcraft's, Starcraft) but today I generally live vicariously through just watching this videogame review show X-Play on G4. That being said, I have the street creds to be able to say whats good and whats not. If you were wondering if just watching a show about someone else playing games actually gives you the useful knowledge of those games, it does. I also watch a lot of shows about talking to girls.

But anyway, how do the world religions stack up against each other? Prepare yourself for the final showdown. I've reviewed the games I made up in my head. Here's the first three:

Christianity: You play as Jesus and run around telling people you're the awaited Messiah. Think that a non-violence message makes for poor first person 'shooter'? You'd be right. You dont ever kill or even attack anyone, the game wants you to believe you're on some big quest, but it doesn't take too long to figure out you just are walking from point to point and talking about forgiveness (yay). There are a minigames of multiplying bread loafs, turning water into wine, and healing people. These are kinda okay, but in the end they're just interuptions of walking. *Spoiler Alert* There's also no big boss battle in the end, you just get executed. 1 out of 5 crosses

But like any good franchise there's a sequel. You play as JC when you come back and the world gets destroyed. This one is way better than the first. The action and violence is all totally there, but the game fails to stay interesting when you're destroying legions of evil and you realize you can't be hurt. Lame. The game further falls apart in the Heaven levels, which are totally boring. 2 out of 5 white horses

Islam: I got this game right before the game developer's building was blown-up for depicting Mohammad. But the game is pretty fun. Its an RTS style and you lead you're small army against the Meccans for rejecting the Truth. The later levels had some pretty cool big battles. Another interesting aspect of the game is setting up trade networks with other tribes. The mediation minigames are fun, and they add the to the administrative feeling of the trade part of the game. Unfortunately, the game comes only in Classical Arabic, so be prepared to never really have any idea of whats going on. The only bad part of the game really is the environment, which is mostly desert. The graphics are otherwise good, but they could have done something to spice up the sand. 4 out of 5 double-bladed swords

Buddhism: This one sucks more than the Christian game. You play the ol' Enlightened One and the game starts when you abandon everything to search for truth. Whats this mean for game play? You sit. The game play is you basically adjust Siddartha in his sitting position so he doesn't tip over or become distracted from meditating.
1 out of 5 slow, thoughtful heartbeats